Reality Check

Today was a bad day. Today I did nothing but sit and veg in front of the TV. Turning my brain to mush and feeling disconnected from everything and everyone. I’ve felt this way before and its a dark and lonely place to be in. This is not depression but it is a place I know very well. No, this is a rut. For me it takes a few days of this feeling of wanting  to do something, anything to distract myself. But if I do the wrong thing then something switches in my brain and I fall into the rut I find myself now. This blog helps me to identify whats going on and pull myself out of it. I know I will snap out of this and I won’t drink alcohol or pop a pill which has become so popular in the “now”society we find ourselves.

Moving to San Francisco was for love, staying here will be for me. This is something that has begun to dawn on my sluggish brain. I think feeling bad makes us appreciate when we feel good and it highlights things we choose not to or do not see in front of our eyes.

I considered jumping on a plane and return to my adopted home, but like anything in your head, the destination does not change whats inside. It merely distracts us from what was already there, for a time perhaps. You can’t run from yourself and its only yourself who  is the person that faces the express train and stops it or lets it run right over you.

So towards the end of today, that mysterious little voice inside which I think comes from the heart that gets me through these times began to speak. Telling me what I need to do to get through this, to snap me back.

Don’t talk about it or procrastinate, just do something that you want to do. At the end of the day who else is going to do it.

The fun begins

So I have started looking for a job this week. As I wasn’t sure about the American job market and how it works, I was a little nervous. As it turns out, the first 2 days have turned out ok. My resume went out to various websites and I thought maybe within a week or so I would get some responses. The next day it was madness. A barrage of emails in my inbox and multiple phone calls to discuss my experience and what it is I am looking for. I heard there was an IT boom going on in San Fran, no shit sherlock. It was exhausting but have secured a job interview with a day to be determined. Not bad for 2 days work. Shall see how that goes next week. Kinda liked the whole not working thing for a while, but reality bites as it always does.

A lesson in patience

A 6 year old dog has taught me a lesson in patience today. Walking the streets of San Francisco thinking how busy I could be, been busy doing, well not very much. I discovered  I was slowly but surely slowing down, in a physical and mental sense. This dog I was walking kept stopping to sniff around and mark her scent everywhere. I started looking around and began to enjoy the architecture and the views that can be afforded around the Buena Vista area. Thanks doggy.

A week in

Its been over a week now since moving to San Francisco. I had my doubts about this place and still do. The Chinese proverb,”wherever you are and whatever you do, do it with all your heart” has not really rung true so far but it is changing. Having had just over a week to take a break and think about my next move it is beginning to grow on me.

Moving to an area just bordering the Castro was a good move. The neighborhood does feel safe and there is the usual convenience of shops nearby. Though walking up and down a very steep hill is tiring. But it will get me fit and tighten my butt up which has grown flabby of late due to my lack of exercise.

Anyone who has been to Wellington in New Zealand would see some similarities with San Francisco, though San Fran is on a much larger scale. The general geography is very similar I’ve found people will generally engage in conversation with you if you make the effort too. Coffee is also good and there is a good selection of places to eat and drink.

Exploring the neighborhood was slow going but as with all things good, the more you do them the more you want to do them. Like going for walks around the area and checking out whats on offer.

I did encounter an aspect of San Fran that I might struggle with, Hipster’s. I need to talk to a few more than I have before forming any kind of opinions, but first impressions were that they represented pretention in its not so awesome form.

Other than that, having met several people who have been really nice and friendly. Witnessed the spectacular scenery that surrounds the city and tasted some of the best Italian food outside of Tuscany(in my opinion) I am beginning to fall in love with this place.

I finish this post with a photo. A view from Buena Vista Park.

Arrival

So the flight from Auckland to San Francisco via Sydney sucked balls. It was old school in-flight entertainment with screens dotted around the cabin and a set schedule of movies. No on-demand facilities here which I had grown accustomed to when flying long haul to Europe or just over to Ozzie. There was good to come out of this though. I was able to finish a book I had been struggling with for sometime and managed to power through another one as well.  Which had me hooked from start to finish.
Next came the food, which to be fair, was worse than the kind of slop they give you in hospitals or dodgy cafes where your not sure if the meat is the neighbours cat. Then the turbulence and the inability to be able to sleep. I usually get that restless legs syndrome so trying to drop off with that constant engine noise and legs wanted to do their own river dance makes it virtually impossible to drift off.

I must have slept though because next thing I knew, breakfast was been served and the plane had basically crossed the pacific and was a couple of hours out.

The usual passport control which by American standards was actually quite friendly. No talk of sport here while been processed, like you might get in New Zealand. I think the worst passport control officers are the ones in the UK but I digress.

I get through arrivals and find my partner is not there to pick me up. Not a big deal but I was sooo excited to see her again and the extra waiting was killing me. Just over 4 months is a long time to wait to see the person you love. Believe me, it felt like it was a lot longer. So here I am in San Francisco, 3 months to experience this city. Yay! Jet lag has now kicked in and feeling tired. Time to go.

My parents were right

There is a lot to be said about my parents. I love them dearly despite the arguments, fall outs and general clashes we have had over the years. Its unconditional and its the only kind of love you can have with parents and siblings. I have taken them for granted and I have given them a hard time for no real valid reason like sons and daughters the world over do, too many times for me to count and it’s not something I am proud of and do feel shame in it. Yet they still love me and are there for me when I need help or just provide an  ear when life is teaching me some important lessons.

As a rebellious teenager I did everything I could to not be them. I drank excessively to the point on many occasions, of saying “never again”. But of course the next week I was out with my mates doing it all over again. I experimented with various substances, to gain knowledge beyond my years. I wanted to know, I wanted to have that life experience. As it turns out, there is no substitute for age and maturity. There is that old proverb, When the student is ready the teacher will appear. Or like a friend said, when you are ready, the opportunity will present itself. My parents always say I should never rush and as long as your happy and it feels right, do it. In the age where there is an expert for any conceivable thing, its hard to know whats what sometimes. My parents always seem to know though. Now rapidly approaching 40, I understand some of what my parents tried to teach me. Like, it’s not all about you, manners cost nothing, don’t be a dick head and don’t cheek your elders. Wise words indeed.And I am proud to say it now, I am a mix of both of them with a twist of something new.

Looking back I understand now, even when I was getting a smack or been shouted at. They were always looking out for me, preparing me for the world. Teaching me the difference between right and wrong and instilling the decency in me to try to do the right thing even if it meant it had no benefit for me or appear too.  Being selfless, respectful and not to be too cheeky at the right times does get you a long way in life. Mum, Dad, you were right about life, you’re the best.

Insanity

So Canada has decided to withdraw from the Kyoto Protocol because it will cost too much for Canadians. The environment minister Peter Kent was quoted as saying it would cost $13.6bn dollars or $1600 for every Canadian family.

So, what happens when the run away effects of global warming kick in and you see rising sea levels, forest fires like seen in Texas earlier this year kick in. Will it cost the Canadian economy less than $13.6 bn. Probably, but who cares, the environment minister will probably be dead when the true cost of this bad decision is felt. Like the futures of most of the worlds children. But since you can’t put a dollar value on that, who cares.

There is also the fact, that most of the people making the decisions now on global warming action or inaction as it seems to be right now will be dead and buried when everything turns to custard.Forgot government policy, take action yourselves. They’ve proven they don’t care about us, only to line their own pockets with our money. Become more self reliant and lets take back the power.